Hmmm. This past week has been beating me up ngl. Like mentally I'm feeling quite cloudy. Some days I feel like I'm in a trench, like really loooowwww lows. Worst part is the lack of sleep. If something triggers me I tend to get for lack of a better term, paranoid. I've also been pretty jumpy, lost in thought, and so unfocused that I'm being forgetful!

I've been tackling personal affairs and it sucks that I can't get treatment or professional help for my mental health. I'll be honest and say that I feel pretty jealous of people who are able to get therapy right now!

I think this is maybe the lowest I've felt in a while, as one day I started to fucking see EYES on the walls when I got paranoid at night. LMAO? This rarely happens but it always surprises me as that usually means that my mental health has really nosedived.

I don't feel bad though. For some reason I feel fine. Like I don't feel any urge to do anything harmful and that's pretty surprising. I make a joke that I'm scared of everything to some degree but it's true at the moment. For some reason everything is scary.

Everything I'm describing sounds like a nightmare but I swear I'm doing just fine!! These are like once-every-3-years things and I feel experienced enough that it doesn't make me spiral.

I find these complex emotions very interesting! Like why is this happening to meeeeeeeeeeeeeee 😭😭😭😭😭

first entry of the big 25... Today I went back to school after Winter Break and I wanted to pass out the whole day!

My school works in the way that every semester is a new class it's a block schedule thing it's a whole mess I don't care to explain but bascially I have new classes with new(ish) classmates. I keep getting looped with classmates whose mouths I want to tape SHUT. So many fucking obnoxious people I hate.

It's the SAME people from last semester; SPECICIFALLY, This one girl that I am ex-friends with that I KEEP GETTING CLASSES WITH, I sound so sour but she has super racist friends that I told her about then the racist guy who wore a trump 2020 hat to class I told her about SHE ENDED UP DATING HIM. DUDE?? (She's white for context) like what are you doing..

Ok shutting up now about that. Other than that, I guess I did some exersise too and ate some delicious oxtail for dinner so thats nice. I'm not completely miserable with living, but a lot of things pissed me off today. Also I've somehow started grinding my teeth AGAIN and now my TMJ is making me crash out 😭😭😭 i need a mouth gaurd.

idk lately i've been out of burnout but also there're like remnants of just being unmotivated.

Like sure I can work if I really care and that's something! But doing easy work that I don't even really have to do ex: updating my button iframe my brain's just like idgaf

this is also like the last week i have school i think or maybe next week i'm not really keeping track at all.. I'm both simutaniously very passionate and unmotivated idk!

OH I FORGOT I was at the store yesterday and it was raining so hard when I got back in the car my pants were so wet I had to wring them out like goddamn.

I also saw a wet crushed mr.beast feastables in the parking lot like i why. why is that there. that image is forever for me i don't think you all want to see that. why i even took an image in the sopping wet rain i don't know.

If i had one wish i would free myself from the never ending hell of homework im currently drowning in! I'd probably use it on that!

me 2 months ago: "I want to take things reaalll slow so I don't get burnt out" me today: I'M SO FUCKING BURNT OUT. it speaks for itself i cant do anything im so tired i cannot go BACK TO SCHOOL FUCKING FREE ME BRO.

i just wanna read batman i just wanna be a teenager i dont wanna keep doing college classes.. im so sad and tired.. my eyes hurt all the time my brain is melting shdkjashdhasj

thats it. see u guys laterrrrrrrr gater

This week has just been a lot In case you don't know, Hurricane Helene is hitting the south eastern United States right now (where I live) and it made this week weird

It started off fine and with just bad weather and rain, but on Friday school was cancelled because of it. I got to sleep in until 9:20am when I woke up and I honestly really reaallllyyy neeeded it. The whole day was quiet and slow I loved it so much. Unfortunately my garden was flooded though!

By the time it was night and I was getting dinner when the power went out and the rain really started picking up. Thankfully it was gone for maybe 15m before coming back!!!

Other than that, the NEW YOEKO ALBUM CAME OUT!!!!!! IM GONNA WRITE ABOUT IT WALLAHI I WILL but I want to take things reaalll slow so I don't get burnt out. take care y'all

I honestly just realized that I switched over to slashes halfway for the dates instead of dashes so thats fixed.. blame the american education system......

I started vollenteering which went ok! I was doing coloring pages when people came up to me and it got so embarrassing that I just put it away... Overall not that hard and I'll be going back again tomorrow!! And despite my bitching and complaining school is going OK. I was super stressed last week cause of all the homework but i'm doing good now!

NOW AS FOR THE LIBRARYY bro they had literally every. thing. i was looking for. I GOT TO READ THE RIDDLER YEAR ONE!!!!!!!!!!!! bro i have been trying to read it since RELEASE. AND THEY HAD IT!!! obv i looked it up on my library branches website, but finding the time has been HARD.

Honestly i loved it so much and im gonna write about it in my media page!! I also found Dan Mora DC books and they were SO SOO GOOD i had a pile of like 7 comics ijbol.

I forgot to mention.. I also went to Quiktrip and got really good donuts and raspberry tea, they were both really good but I got unsweetened by accident so I had to put sugar in it when I got home. Other things I wanna mention are that I SAW THE ORV COMIC?? And there was a vote for "best bear". I voted Winnie the Pooh

Thats all!!! It's been hectic but things have finally slowed down. Dog graphics cause theyre super cute. Still super slow updates cause of school, hope everyones doing well!!

i'm honestly surprised it's only Tuesday!!! I got a 40/100 on my first DE class BUT got a 100 on my discussion BUT still got chewed tf out by my Mom so idek anymore

I was also dropped from Spanish 3! I emailed my counsilor about it wayy before school started so I guess she finally got to it? Honestly I was really liking the class and the teacher, but the homework made me INSANE. I'm shit at understanding language structure and last year when I was in skill regression I couldn't even spell "maybe" and kept writing words backwards.

Ok one last thing though, I made a poster for "The Crucible" for my lit project and I just want you guys to see... link here

Other than that, next week my oldest sibling is gonna take me to a NEW LIBRARYY so I'm SUPER DUPER excited about that!! I ran the rag rugged by reading every Batman comic in mine.... There's also this one book I've been trying to get my hands on, and I hope I can find it!!!

And finally, some site updates! I have 3-5 pages I have planned to be updated. Resources needs to be UPDATED HEAVILYYY out of all of them. It's been 1yr+ Coding has been going smoothly and has become something I truly truly love doing

Guys... guysssssss......... ggggggguuuuuuuuuuyss........ i dunno im already numb like i've reached the idgaf checkpoint idk! how am i too tired to even complain LMFAO

idk. JUST IDK. I saw my first DE (dual enrollment) college class and almost died and died and died once more ALSO spanish 3 ended up being not even that bad! like my teacher is soo kind and funny I actually won't hate going to class every day!

Lately I've just been playing Roblox Dragon Adventures, if you play lmk cause we can play together im like.. invested... I've also just been playing with my sister and her kitchen set. That shits FUN.

Something I realized this week, is that when you're in a high stress enviroment you need to find something to look forward to. JUST SOMETHING. For me, its that damn dragon game. That's all. I'm feeling like half dead but its better than feeling fully dead zombie style

To be completely honest with you I haven't felt this way since Freshman year. Actual fucking dread to be at school they keep adding shit policies to make our lives hell SDASHJDASKHDJKASH

AND I GOT PUT IN SPANISH 3. I finished my foriegn lang credits why. Every single day in Spa 1-2 all I did was cheat and complain rlly. I HOPE HOPE HOOOOOPPPPPEEE That my emails will be recieved and I can get out of the classes they threw me in. pray 4 me.

I won't even start on my classmates I hate all of them I AM LITERALLY CLASSMATES WITH THE GIRL I WAS FIGHTING WITH EARLIER THIS YEAR IN YEARBOOK.....

by the time i had to put in my pronouns for thr 3948230849028th time the day i started putting "i don't care" cause i dont gaf 🙁

A lot happened today that I just kinda feel frazzled First I went to the Masjid for Jummah, and got SOME REALLY GOOD SOMALIAN FOOD AFTER, then I went to the arcade with my best friend for her birthday tmr!

I guess it wasn't really that much then lmfao. But. idk let's switch the subject i wanna talk about what i've been doing

RENTRY!!!!!!!!!! So much fucking rentry. Seriously guys making rentry stuff in Photopea is so much fun. Look at what I made here and here (this one soo good..) I've been finding it so amazing learning image editing and a new medium to web design!!

I like making the graphics more than I like using the editor (the editor SUCKS) but i think its fun still. I used to use renty a lot before I joined Neocities so I'm getting nostalgia rn

thats all. more site updates soon probably if someone rips me off Photopea

Another amazing beautiful day!!!! the birds are singing and the grass is grrrEEN!

I woke up today thinking it would suck then i remembered that my sister got me a spicy chicken sandwich and i got happy but it only got better from there I then got to go to the library to return some books but i ended up getting even more than last time I got 3 batman books, INCLUDING THE LAST LAUGH!!!!!

bro I have wanted that fucking comic for so long but every time I have gone there it has been out (now to convince them to leave the riddler year one comics ALONE) Also funny thing for some reason my library has BL manga now LMFAOSAOSOA NOOO WAY IM TAKING THAT HOME

When I was leaving I saw they were giving out free lunches (only for kids under 18) and I was given one THE PEOPLE THERE WERE SO SWEET!!!!! i got a sandwich, pretzels, chocolate milk, and carrots

i cannot wait to finish reading all my comics ... if you made it this far i have a media page up and coming... ur the first in the know

It's been a while since I updated my diary, but my life is going so well!!!! I feel so free and happy on Summer break and Eid ended yesterday. These past 2 days have been kinda wild

On the first day I was up at Fajr⁶ to go to the Masjid¹ to go pray, then after I went home (not without securing the the bag... ). After that I went to an Eid event and I got to play basketball, play some games, eat donut holes, AND GOT TO WORK A COTTON CANDY MACHINE???

I liked it a lot and had a bunch of fun hanging with my friends!! The next day I went to the park for another Eid event BUT IT WAS BLAZING HOT.

Not to mention there was 100+ people there.. I vollenteered to help pass around Watermelon and I carried this FAT case and MY ARMS HURT SO BAD!!!! I spilt some juice on these poor womens blanket I felt so bad.

Then the worst thing happened. I felt so tired that I sat down and I couldn't even stand back up and some grown man had to come help me up and held the tray then he said I spilled juice all over my skirt I wanted to jump so bad.

me irl. When I got back I put the tray back on the table, let the woman know I passed it out, and tried to grab one for myself

But my hands were shaking and trembling so badly it wasn't even reaching my mouth. Even now my arms hurt SO GODDAMN MUCH. Not as much but still.. Before I couldn't even hold anything My health app says 2 days ago I took 4,062 steps and yesterday I took 5,724. Umm yeah I'm done

Hi everyone!!! I thought I'd be at peak stress levels by the end on April but I'm honestly chilling. With the girl from Yearbook she hasn't shown in 3 weeks so I decided that literally don't care and just did everything left, both her and my work.

School ends May 18 so it doesn't even matter she can come yell at me later about how I'm doing stuff without going through her first because she's the 'leader'

Now... Between you, me, and the bushes I'm working on a new index and it's not going really well (T_T) like im struggling with what I want it to look like and what I want to be in it. There's so many ideas I have but idk how to execute any of them

Other than that life is pretty chill guys

HEY GUYS. This week has been so SO TIRING. To start off, for the FIFTH day in a row my Mom is dragging me to the Masjid ¹... When we get there we do the Tahiyatul ², pray Isha ³, then after a short break pray tarawih ⁴.

now. Don't get me wrong me I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that or that I hate it!! My Masjid just prays A LOT for a LONG TIME during Tarawih. It's pretty physically taxing on my legs. I do sit down when I need to but only after a while.

Add that to the fact that I'm still attending Quran classes and that we're there for 4 hours at a time (8-12pm), and you get an overstimulated exhausted goober. Between u&me, I just want to be relaxing on my spring break......

Last night was especially hard, when I was on break from prayer I heard a group of girls behind me giggling, putting on makeup, and talking at a fairly high volume. They had TikTok open (IN THE MASJID????) and I heard them said "He's soo fine" and another girl pulled up some mid guy and said "HE'S my husband" GIRL??? 1: why do this in a Masjid.. 2: UR TASTE IN MEN IS WACK 3: Be quiet ppl are trying to pray!!!

Even after I got off my break and went to pray again I could still hear them.. THANK GOODNESS FOR AN AUNTIE ⁵ THERE because she got them asap and said "Go over to the kids area, and after this ends go pray 4 rakah" they deserved it for being so distracting smh...

it was so hot that night too bro... I had sweat in every nook and corner in my body and I could smell peoples breath I got dangerously close to a meltdown.

It was also my birthday yesterday?? CRAZY... Thank you everyone who told my hbd I'm so soo grateful!! Well that's all and also technically an explanation as to why I've slackin on the updates. Hope that life is going good for you guys, and that I don't have to go to Tarawih again haha I MEAN that I can relax tonight...

heyyyyy how are we feeling goober fam??? not a lot of updates lately. I've been flop-pilled, unmovivated-pilled, and busywithhomeworkandclubactivities-pilled...

Working with allistic people is HARD. REALLY REALLY HARD. In my yearbook club I asked a girl if she was done with the slide and she said "There isn't much to put on it" ???????? WHAT I just wanted to know if she was done with it

What is the point of asking someone something so directly if they'll just try to find some fucking hidden meaning of what you said. I mean what it says on the tin. idk I said it in a tone that imo sounded neutral??

i'll never know